My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
