I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
