my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
