She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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