just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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