I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
