if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
