Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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