i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
