Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
