So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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