I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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