Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
