Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
