he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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