You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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