so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
