Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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