If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Success! We fucked roommates!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
