He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
