when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
