it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
