dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
