i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
