i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
