If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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