It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize