I could have mohawked her pubes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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