You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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