Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
