So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
