his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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