He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
