I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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