I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
