Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
