you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
