dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
