I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
youre lurking in front of me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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