a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
