this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
