Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
