I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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