I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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