Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
