and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
