he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
