I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
