Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
