what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
