i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
