Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
