so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize