Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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