I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
