He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize