hotel room ftw
she was so not down for the gang bang
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
