she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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