Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize