Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
