i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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