I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I could make wine with my vomit
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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