are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
