Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
