its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
