Can i not drive my cunt home
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
