I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
