shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
