My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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